I hate freaking Jimmy. Not sure if it is much of a shocker to you readers but I have a thing fo Emily and I gracefully backed down when she choose Jimmy yo be her boyfriend. Hell, I even befriended the guy.

But Emily has been bad and had to go to rehab for to weeks since last Friday. Jimmy left with her but he went home and come back Sunday ( as you read in the previous entry ) and was honry as a mofo ( as you also read in the previous entry.

Well, on Monday, I manage to get myself busy and when I come back, he is talking about this other girl. I'm thinking it is just another friend and that I shouldn't care because I had other things to worry about.

But yesterday, he had this girl over and yes, he banged the shit out of her. I didn't know who she was at first but after 5 hours of just hanging the fuck around the apartment and getting in the way of the TV, she goes "You don't remember me, do you?"

By this time, I am pissed as because Jimmy is cheating on Emily with this chick and I was sexually deprived myself so that a double bad for me. So I gave an uninterested "Nope" as I worked on getting my game to work for me, since it was probably the only thing working for me at the moment.

She goes, "It's me, Danielle".

"That's nice," I coldy replied.

"Nips!" she exclaimed and with that, memories of Trey and his stoner friends flushed through my head. I remembered her all of a sudden and I was even more pissed. She's been here for hours and said shit and now she wants to reveal her identity? WTF. So that on top of everything kind of had me pissed. So I still didn't care.

"Congrats" was my response.

When they left to take her home, I went into Emily's room to get a blanket least suspected to be covered in discharge and cum when I found a note from Emily asking Jimmy to not cheat. I laughed at the thought. There was a word for it but it escaped me.

Anyways, I figured that I should get some leverage for later so she came back today and I took a picture. :) Black mail material for later.

[forgot my cord to my camera so the cheating photoes have to wait another day]

But when I took the picture, I thought to myself that Jimmy is a side of me that I hate seeing. The cheater. The slacker. The guy that doesn't do anything and that cheats to get what he wants. For a moment, I hated myself so badly.

Currently, I still do. So I tried to bring him cheating on Emily into a conversation with him. He said that he likes Emily and all but she has an apartment and the other girls that he likes don't. She basically he is only with her for a place to stay. Personal jab at my history. I hated myself even more because it was starting to look more and more like my relationship with Chasity ... minus me cheating as often as Jimmy.

And he told me that he was a dad three times. This kid is 19! Now he just made me sick to even be around him because he acts like he doesn't have a fucking care in the world and here he is a father of three different kids to three different women. Jimmy became scum in my eyes.

But now here is the problem. If I tell Emily, I probably still won't have a chance and she might even throw me out. Emily isn't the most reasonable person. I have to look out for my own ass here. I don't want to be put out on my just because she hates ALL men.

So there is a part of me that wants to let this shit ride for a while until I get everything in Clarion done and go back to Parker and think of a way for her to find out on her own that Jimmy is cheating so it doesn't look like I hid anything or that I had anything to do with it.

Damn, why is everything I do or everything I am involved with so complex and complicated. Alright this is a rare time but I want to hear what you guys and gals have to say about this? Obviously I want to tell her and have Jame's ass on the street ASAP but the blowback might damage me big time. :( Rock and potential hard place.

So while in Clarion, Kayla said that she wanted to meet up and hang out. Well, every time we come together, we end up having sex. I hate it. More or less, even though I try to make our relationship very much on the friendship level, she manages to let my male side overcome and I'll disappointed in myself for having such a weak male side.

Anyways, last Friday, Kayla's mom offered me a bed for the apartment I am currently staying at and I took it. That morning, Kayla's father brought it over ... almost not surprisingly with Kayla. She said that she wanted to spend some time with me and it happens that my roommates were gone and I agreed since I figured some company is better than no company.

But as predicted, before long, we ended up having sex ... :(. Don't get me wrong, I do not mind sex. In matter of fact, I enjoy sex. I just hate it when I don't want it and she is so damn persistent about it that I cave in.

Well, luckily for me, her family didn't take much to the idea of her staying over and she decided to leave for a few hours and to tell you the truth, I had no argument about that. She quickly gets on the annoying side after the intimancy. ( Yes, I said intimacy. even if i do not want to have it, I do try to put as much love and heart into it. sex is an art believe it or not. )

Well, I went about my day as originally planned. I went and got a shit load of DVDs and I came back with the purest of intents to watch them all. Getting the DVDs were an ordeal and a half and I really wanted to enjoy the fruit of my labor.

But not a second later that the movie actually started, I got text messages that she was coming over and dread filled my body. She never lets me watch movies. She talks ... but not to the movie like V with her 'she's fucking ugly' crap. No, no, no. She talks to me and ask me questions like:

= So do you like me?
= Why don't you want to be my boyfriend?
= Can we snuggle?
= Can I hold your hand?
= Does it bother you if I smoke?
= Am I attractive to you?

And it isn't just these questions. it is these questions on repeat. I'll answer them and minutes later she'll ask me again just in case I didn't know what the fuck I was talking about.

And that hasn't even happened yet. This is just all my freight and expectations. I almost wish I could tell her to turn the fuck around and go home but I already gave my word that she could come over and watch a movie.

But she came over and the moments her mom's car was out of sight, she said that she wanted me to get her a pack of cigarettes because they didn't take her county ID card. I hate doing that shit for certain people and she was just in the car with her mom. They could have gotten it before they came to the apartment. I was pissed. I really wanted to relax and watch my movies. But I caved in ( as fucking usual ) and we walk to 7/11 so I can buy her her smokes and we walked back and the entire way, she tried to hold my hand. I'm not the holding hands kind of guy. Especially when I'm pissed. Before I was annoyed but annoyed evolved to pissed. When I am pissed nothing goes anyone else's way.

But on the way back to the apartment, her cell phone rings and it is this guy named Matt that she talks to every night. He sounds like a psycho for two reasons. One reason is because she calls him a psycho and the second reason is because he calls like every 5 minutes just to check if she is cheating. I asked her if she is dating the guy because if she was I wouldn't even allow myself to be that other guy ... but when she say his name on the phone, she looked at me and said in a semi-ignorant tone to be quiet. I was pissed. But I didn't give two shits. I really wanted to watch the movies I got. So it was silence from me as she argues to her boyfriend or whatever ( yeah, I put two and two together from this phone conversation) because I just wanted to get home. In matter of fact, I started to imagine the movie I wanted to watch and before I got to the front porch I knew I was gonna put in 'THE DAY THE EARTH STOOD STILL'. But that was just me trying to push back the feeling of feeling like I was being hidden by her. That she was hiding my existence from him. I felt like the Hidden Black Friend. The one you don't let anyone know about publically.

I pushed the thoughts away with images of Keanu Reeves in a black suit with powers and a simple expression of intellectual studying while he tries to save the world.

When she was done with her phone conversation, I told her not to talk on the phone when we were watching the movie. So we go in and sure enough in 5 minutes, he calls back and she gives him some sort of bullshit line that she is at Taco Bell. I hear him on the phone accusing her and talking mean and the like. I didn't like how he was talking to her. And worst of all, the movie already started and I was getting really into it until he decided to call. Another few minutes of them arguing on the phone and then she closes it. I tell her that if she is gonna do that that she should go home. And then the questions get fired off.

= Do you hate me?
= What did I do?
= I'm sorry. ( I know ... not a question but it was said on repeat like 15 times )

I kept telling her that all I really want to do is watch this movie. And then after 5 minutes of me saying that ... the previous questions like the first set posted above were being asked on repeat mixed in with movie questions like:

= Is he human?
= The world is gonna end isn't it?
= Is that lady that kid's mother?

Seriously, at wit's end ... and then guess what? Matt calls again and she talks right there ... while I'm watching the movie. I was beyond pissed now. But I did my best to control myself.

When she was done arguing with Matt, I said this ...

= If you are gonna be here for this movie, I want your phone off. Mostly because I didn't want Matt calling again.
= I'm gonna call your mom and your sister to tell them that your phone died. She said to matt that she had one bar left so i just assumed it was going to die eventually.
= No more meaningless questions. Just movie time ... please

She looked kind of scared that I stood up like that and to tell you the truth, I was kind of getting beyond the level of pissed so I was getting worried of how loud I was getting. But she seemed to agree to the terms but not even 2 minutes into the thing, more questions came out.

= I don't understand why you are mad at me.
= Can I call him back?
= I'm sorry.

I looked at her at the last statement and asked if she wanted to go home. She looked at me and nodded. I paused the movie and gave her my phone to call her mom. When her mom and her sister's girlfriend came to the door they said that she didn't sound happy on the phone. They asked me if I hit her. I told them no. It didn't matter whatever I said anyways. I can tell from their eyes that they already made up their mind. I tried to explain to them the situation on what happened that night but they walked just right past me into the apartment. They commented on the fact the lights were off. I told them I was watching a movie and I hate lights on during a movie. They didn't hear ... or more logically they didn't care. They got her and they left without a word to me. Not a single word.

I knew they expected the worst. I didn't care. I was relieved to have her gone and I could continue my movie. Get to relaxing, finally.

But soon, 15 minutes unto my relaxing, I realized I a new voicemail. I had my phone on silent and I would only look at it at low parts of the movie. I paused the movie and checked my voicemail. It was Kayla's sister, Mel and I could tell it was a bitch session so I saved it for later. Maybe I'll have to refer back to it if things got serious.

And sure enough ... a few minutes past and my phone silently rings showing Kayla's House number. At first I ignore it and a voicemail was left. I wanted to check to see if it was an apology from the family for treating me like a convict when I've given them nothing but respect and understanding. Obviously my first mistake was to expect anything. My second mistake was to expecting something good.

It was Kayla's mom telling me to never call or contact Kayla again. At first, I was alright with it but then I realize that I didn't want them to think that I did anything like rape her or beat her ( her last boyfriend did ). So I called back and I got her and I tried to explain to her the situation.

"Well, Nicolas I know these kind of situations and with the lights out in your apartment and the fact that you are a guy, I have to believe my daughter over whatever you said." And I am thinking to myself, 'WTF Did she say I did' ... which was followed by my lips allowing the thought into words.

"She hasn't said anything Nicolas but she is upset and I doubt that she is upset because you were mad about cigarettes and her phone ringing."

FML.